Tomorrow is Lost Sock Memorial Day. While the name seems to suggest that the day’s purpose is to commemorate lost socks, it is also equally a tribute to the socks they’ve left behind.
THE GRIM STATISTICS
According to the findings of a serious scientific study conducted in the UK, the average Brit loses:
- 1.3 socks each month, which equates to;
- More than 15 socks a year, which equates to;
- 1,264 lost socks over a lifetime, which costs the individual;
That’s a fair chunk of cash that is better used towards a holiday.
WHY DO SOCKS GO MISSING?
While many are willing to accept that there just is a Bermuda Triangle for socks, we’ve come up with more interesting and realistic theories to explain the Lost Sock Phenomenon.
Hungry laundry appliances
Laundry appliances are the first obvious culprit in sock disappearances. Socks can get stuck between the tub and drum of a washing machine, sucked into the drain pump or absorbed into the dryer filter.
Sometimes socks don’t even make it to the laundry room. For example, when careless and horrible children (who shall remain nameless) fling dirty socks in any direction under the sun, it’s inevitable that some will land behind couches or under a pile of toys, remaining out of sight (but not out of smell) for prolonged periods of time.
Socks have a habit of being swallowed up by other clothing, only to be purged into the wider world.
This theory is my favourite because of a vivid personal experience.
Once upon a time, I was walking down a busy street wearing a sensible long skirt, when suddenly I felt a sliding sensation down the side of my leg. Before I had time to finish thinking “Crap. Not those dodgy loose undies agai-“, a cotton thingy landed on my feet. Mortified that it might be the gravity-non-defying unmentionables, I continued to hurry down the street hoping that no one would notice. By the time I realised it was probably just an odd sock that had clung onto my static-y skirt, it was too late/embarrassing to go back and get it.
It’s a loss I have to wear (or rather, not wear) for the rest of my days.
Giving a flying sock
Being lighter and smaller than most other articles of clothing, socks can all too easily be blown off a clothesline and into your neighbour’s yard. This is where personalisation can come in handy. Brand your socks with one of our fabulous labels and your neighbour will know where to return them (provided they also know your name in the first place #modernurbanliving).
Nothing in the textiles world rivals the supernatural shape-shifting capabilities of the humble sock.
Case in point. My kids have to wear white socks for school (WHHYYYYYYYY????? Ahem). However, a combination of rough and tumble, the march of time, and lazy laundering means that it’s not long before these turn grey. To a weary Crew Captain’s eyes, these formerly white socks look like intentionally grey socks and therefore get absorbed into the coloured-socks world.
(Strangely enough, while lamenting the loss of white socks, I rarely question why there seems to be an ever-growing supply of grey socks).
Another case in point. Kids’ socks stretch in the wash and get mistaken for adult socks. Or vice versa for shrinking.
Sock gnomes and sock goblins
A popular theory is that sock gnomes steal your socks when you’re not looking. But in an attempt to restore balance to the universe, their arch enemies, the Sock Goblins, work hard to replace them.
Though not hard enough, apparently.
The black hole theory aka REAL SCIENCE
In his book, The Nature of Space and Time, Stephen Hawking speculated that spontaneously-created black holes were responsible for disappearing socks.
This might be the most compelling theory of all. Basically, it’s saying that lost socks are easy enough to find if we try hard enough. It’s just that for a variety of reasons, we simply don’t bother. And by the time we’ve recovered said socks through a house move or pre-inspection clean, we’ve stopped caring about them and they’re swiftly repurposed into a handy cleaning rag.
Thankfully, some important household products like remote controls and chocolate do not fall prey to this same apathy.
SAVE OUR SOCKS! HOW TO PREVENT LOSING THEM
As a wise age and gender non-specific person once said:
“The real tragedy of a missing sock isn’t so much that a beloved item is lost as that half of it isn’t. The second sock sticks around as a lingering reminder of the frustration and pain.”
So what’s the solution?
Well, you can get creative and transform the orphans into sock puppets, cleaning cloths or dog toys.
Or, you can make mismatched socks trendy again, haphazardly swapping pairs in the manner of a frenzied key party.
Better yet, you can prevent this loss in the first place and save all that need for creativity and poor fashion choices. Just put a label on them!
Labels give your lost socks a fighting chance for reuniting with their other halves. With any luck, the personalisation might also guilt trip the thieving sock gnome or black hole into not stealing/swallowing up your socks in the first place.